


To Be Alone

by nooneisstraight



Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, what lito was doing before the ben & jerrys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4671194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nooneisstraight/pseuds/nooneisstraight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lito is not good at grieving, and never has been. Hernando leaving hits him especially hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from a song of the same name by Hozier. Not beta'd.

Grieving is not something Lito is good at. It’s not something he’s used to, and most of all it’s not something he enjoys. But then again, does anyone? He knows how to play grief, how to convince a theater full of people of great tragedy, but he has little first hand experience. 

Of course, he held his parents dear and loved them in the all-in fashion Lito loves people, but their deaths were different. While it took months to feel whole and normal (whatever that is) again, he could cope. That grief was something he’d always anticipated, something he could blame on the universe. And most of all, they were gone. There was no remedying the situation, it was over and that was that. Having Hernando’s shoulder to cry on certainly helped. 

Somehow, this was different. This was his fault. If fingers were to be pointed, they would all point decidedly to him. And it hit him hard. 

At first, he didn’t feel. He went through the actions of grieving well enough, the stereotype engraved in his mind after years of watching sad movies, which he had always found boring and irrelevant. 

He knew he should feel something, he really did. But what are you supposed to do when the person you love most in the world has left and you feel exactly the same as before? 

Next came the extremes. He threw himself in head on, crying and screaming as if it would change the dull feeling in the pit of his stomach and the fact that all the colors in the world felt muted. When the dull feeling relented to hunger, and a break for eating was deemed necessary, it still had not hit him.

When scrambling eggs, he felt as empty as before. Only later, when he realized he had no idea how to turn on his own stove and that his favorite pan was not in its usual spot did it begin to dawn on him. 

The cologne was the final straw. While searching the cupboards for an acceptable spatula, he caught a whiff of Hernando’s cologne so potent that his heart soared. He looked around, his eyes bright. And then it hit him. 

Waves of grief tumbled on to him with such ferocity that he sank to the floor. All thoughts of cooking utensils left him and it was all he could do to keep from crying out. His one love, his true love, the object of his infatuation for years was gone and it was his fault. 

The smell of burning eggs filled the apartment but Lito was paralyzed. It felt as if someone had stabbed him in the chest with a butter knife. As the sharp pang of complete agony slowly faded to a dull ache, he felt his appetite leave him.

Knowing he should eat he grabbed a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. It was the only thing that didn't remind him of him, or at least the one thing he could look out without feeling like he was being stabbed all over again. And then he began to grieve in earnest.


End file.
